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Thanks to slagathor at The Folding wolves site for this gem:

"We always hear ' the rules '
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. These are all numbered '1 '
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
Or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Pl ease say WHATEVER you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football
Or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping."

ROFL. Do you really think you'd actually live after saying that? Chris.

This is The 14 Rules: from this guy I worked with about 20yrs ago.

Hj you better not show these rules to her. You might have to print this out so you can follow them.


#1 The female always makes the rules

#2 The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification

#3 No man can possibly know all the RULES

#4 If the the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.

#5 The female is never wrong

#6 If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said.

#7 If rule 6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

#8 The female can change her mind at any given point in time.

#9 The male must never change his mind without express written consent from the female.

#10 The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

#11 The male must remain calm at all times unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.

#12 The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

#13 Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm.

# 14 If the female has PMS, all the rules are null and void.

When it comes to questions, I have a single rule that covers them all.


If you ask me a question and there is an answer you dont want to hear,
then dont ask the question.

Hun, is my ass fat? YES!
Hun, do you think she looks good? No, she looks friggin AWESOME!!!!
Hun, Mary said that she caught Jon cheating on her, You would never do that would you? ...... Hun?


And when it comes to PMS

They might use that as an ecuse to explode on your -ss. But I use that as my excuse for every explosion.

Hun, what did I do wrong? Nothing, it was the other 14 PMS'in b----es I had to deal with today, and you just had to place that last straw on the pile.