www.abithelp.com

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors & the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids..

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking....

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
(scroll and keep reading!)

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex & have money & like beer.


The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

The Best Smart Ass Answers of 2009!!

SMART ASS ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during an airline flight.
'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant asked John, seated in front..
'What are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'

SMART ASS ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'

SMART ASS ANSWER #3

The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'


SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2009!!

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.

Interesting....learn something new every day ! ! !
> >
> Interesting Facts
>>
> Alaska
>
> More than half of the coastline of the entire United States is in Alaska.
> >
> Amazon
>
> The Amazon rainforest produces more than 20%
> Of the world's oxygen supply.
>
> The Amazon River pushes so much water into the Atlantic Ocean that, more than one hundred miles at sea off the mouth of the river, one can dip fresh water out of the ocean. The volume of water in the Amazon river is greater than the next eight largest rivers in the world combined and three times the flow of all rivers in the United States.
> >
> Antarctica
>
> Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country. Ninety percent of the world's ice covers Antarctica. This ice also represents seventy percent of all the fresh water in the world.
> As strange as it sounds, however, Antarctica is essentially a desert; The average yearly total precipitation is about two inches. Although covered with ice (all but 0.4% of it, ice.), Antarctica is the driest place on the planet, With an absolute humidity lower than the Gobi desert.
> >
> Brazil
>
> Brazil got its name from the nut, not the other way around.
> >
> Canada
>
> Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world combined. Canada is an Indian word meaning 'Big Village'.
> >
> Chicago
>
> Next to Warsaw, Chicago has the largest Polish population In the world.
> >
> Detroit
>
> Woodward Avenue in Detroit, Michigan, carries the designation M-1, So named because it was the first paved road anywhere.
> >
> Damascus, Syria
>
> Damascus, Syria, was flourishing a couple of thousand years Before Rome was founded in 753 BC,
> Making it the oldest continuously inhabited city in existence.
> >
> Istanbul, Turkey
>
> Istanbul, Turkey, is the only city in the world Located on two continents.
> >
> Los Angeles
>
> Los Angeles' full name is:
> El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula
> -- and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: L.A.
> >
> New York City
>
> The term 'The Big Apple' was coined By touring jazz musicians of the 1930s
> Who used the slang expression 'apple' for any town or city.
> Therefore, to play New York City Is to play the big time - The Big Apple.
> There are more Irish in New York City Than in Dublin, Ireland;
> More Italians in New York City Than in Rome, Italy;
> And more Jews in New York City Than in Tel Aviv, Israel.
>
> Ohio
>
> There are no natural lakes in the state of Ohio, every one is manmade.
> >
> Pitcairn Island
>
> The smallest island with country status is Pitcairn In Polynesia, at just 1.75 sq. Miles/4,53 sq. Km.
> >
> Rome
>
> The first city to reach a population of 1 million people Was Rome, Italy in 133 B.C.
> There is a city called Rome on every continent.
> >
> Siberia
>
> Siberia contains more than 25% of the world's forests.
> >
> S.M.O.M.
>
> The actual smallest sovereign entity in the world Is the Sovereign Military Order of Malta (S.M.O.M).
> It is located in the city of Rome, Italy, Has an area of two tennis courts
> And, as of 2001, has a population of 80 -- 20 less people than the Vatican.
> It is a sovereign entity under international law, Just as the Vatican is.
>
> Sahara Desert
>
> In the Sahara Desert, there is a town named Tidikelt, Algeria, Which did not receive a drop of rain for ten years.
> Technically though, the driest place on Earth Is in the valleys of the Antarctic near Ross Island.
> There has been no rainfall there for two million years.
>
> Spain
>
> Spain literally means 'the land of rabbits'.
> >
> St. Paul, Minnesota
>
> St. Paul, Minnesota, was originally called Pig's Eye After a man named Pierre 'Pig's Eye' Parrant
> Who set up the first business there.
> >
> Roads
>
> Chances that a road is unpaved:
> in the U.S.A. = 1%;
> in Canada = ...75%
> >
> Russia
>
> The deepest hole ever drilled by man is the Kola Superdeep Borehole, in Russia.
> It reached a depth of 12,261 meters (about 40,226 feet or 7.62 miles).
> It was drilled for scientific research and gave up some unexpected discoveries,
> one of which was a huge deposit of hydrogen - so massive that the mud coming from the hole
> was boiling with it.
>
> United States
>
> The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight.
> These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
>>
> Waterfalls
>
> The water of Angel Falls (the world's highest) in Venezuela drops 3,212 feet (979 meters).
> They are 15 times higher than Niagara Falls.
>
>
> I have always said, you should learn something new every day. Unfortunately, many of us are at that age where what we learn today, we forget tomorrow. But, give it a shot anyway.

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

> "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
>
> "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.
>
> It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars. . It is a lot cheaper than a doctor."
>
> So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.
>
> He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
>
> Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
>
> "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."
>
> That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
>
> He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.
>
> Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
>
> The computer prints the following:
>
> 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
> 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
> 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
> 4. Your wife is pregnant.Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
> 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

>
Thank you for shopping @Wal-Mart

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex...
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying,
'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'

A man went to church one day and afterwards he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!'
The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.'
The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!'
The preacher said, 'No shit?'

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'
'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.
'Your Honor,' she began coolly, 'I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.'
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa.
'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blond-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?'
Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!'
They are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?'
'I lied about my age', Bob replies.
'What, did you tell her you were only 50?'
Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'

Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
'These,' she explained, 'are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.'
She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats?'
A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours!

LOL tat was funny chris

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AAa0gd7 ... _embedded#!